


Don't Wake Me

by star_lili



Series: A Life of Regrets [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Lucid Dreaming, Post Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_lili/pseuds/star_lili
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They knew they had to let go...But they don't want to wake up.<br/>Disclaimer: It's obvious isn't it...Not mine or else this would've never happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Wake Me: Edward

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this based on the song "Don't Wake Me" by my favorite artist Skillet. I bawled my eyes out when I first heard it because it was so relatable and then I thought "Its an EdWin fic!". So after much thinking and procrastinating I finally finished this first chapter. With some tears shed...here it is...

**Don't Wake Me**

**Chapter 1  
**

**Dull and Empty World  
**

* * *

He couldn't help himself. Alphonse couldn't keep himself from bawling either. There she was walking around the market street in Amsterdam with her chestnut hair and lovely emerald eyes twinkling of what she should get in the produce cart. She was talking to the vendor asking about next seasons produce and the vendor happily made conversation with her, completely oblivious to the young man and boy standing in the distance gaping at her. There must have bee some intuition in the air around her because she had stopped the conversation and turned to stare at them. At that Edward grabbed his younger brother by the arm and went straight to the next street.

 

At night his brother and him had a sullen atmosphere in the air casually sitting with open books about mechanics and chemistry while Al took notes on psychology. Edward didn't have the usual teasing remarks about the subject and there was no smart comebacks from Al either. It was eerie and Al wanted to know what his brother was thinking, but then again...he didn't really feel like talking either.

 

The lights went out by ten o'clock and Alphonse was sleeping away any sorrow he had that day and Edward waited till his brother was asleep and his chest clenched when he heard a sniffle and _'Mom'._

 

He didn't mean to, but he ended up thinking of his mother again...he had recovered and accepted that she was dead and never coming back. That woman in the market...was not her. he kept telling himself that it wasn't and he hoped Al would really, _really_ know that it wasn't her because he had seen how desperately Al wanted her to turn around and see them, to call out to her and embrace her and for her to return the embrace and shed them with kisses. It was not her. He knew where she was...and that was in Rizembool participating in the one is all, all is one...

 

Rizembool....how he missed it with its lush grass and long dusty trails. Its scattered telephone poles and long electrical cords. The farmers and herders talking casually in one place. The sheepdogs happily either chasing the sheep or guiding them to more delicious green grass. Dogs. Den with her smart intellect for a dog yet choosing to be such a smart dumb dog at times always lolling her tongue out at them and wagging her tail. She was a faithful mutt who followed her mistress everywhere. Her mistress Pinako who usually commented on Den's stupid antics yet loving the dog like she had no other companion. Who always commented on his height when she had a chance to or whenever he left a smart remark open to her. The midget Granny was probably still addressing him as _'that bean boy'_ or _'shorty'_ to the neighbors. Yeah, Pinako never seemed to let her old age tire her out in the slightest. When they were younger they would always say to her _"Guess what were gonna be when we grow up"_ , she would always say _"Guess what I'm gonna be when I grow up!"_ , then she would cackle and serve herself some shot of whiskey. She was tough that old woman, but she was soft for her pretty granddaughter....

 

He felt his chest clench again. Why didn't he stop thinking before treading on such ground. Now he thought of blue clear skies and long wheat colored hair. One day or maybe never, he knew he was either going to see her or never see her...not her, but...someone else. Someone who didn't know mechanics, who didn't keep his ego in check or ruin or be part of his fun. He didn't even know why he was thinking of Rizembool, or Den, or Pinako or...he was rarely over there! It was all fine and dandy when he was there on the wild goose chase looking for the philosophers stone and fighting homunculi! But even then he still thought of them when he didn't want to. Especially...Winry...

 

At fourteen there was a time where she was all he thought about. He had wondered of how she was doing since the last time she was in Central. He had wondered if maybe she was thinking of him...then he had cursed himself and started reading through his many alchemy books trying hard to forget the blue eyed wonder.

 

Then he had seen her again at fifteen and he had thought she was beautiful and tried telling himself that it was just same as always and raging hormones were telling him that she was wonderful and gorgeous. He was happy though when they talked and there was one night where they talked throughout the night in the kitchen. He didn't know why, but they were holding hands unknowingly, until he felt a squeeze on it then he hastily made up an excuse to get out of there. She looked down-hearted at first then quickly hid it with a smile. That night he went to bed and had a sweet, _sweet_ pleasurable dream filled with her and him...and what could occur if they were in a room with soft sheets of the bed.

 

She had traveled with them almost to the end. She did admit that she had cared about him a lot and he knew what she had meant, but...he couldn't give any assurances. He was tempted, yes, and he was maybe thinking of maybe...well they were alone in the inn room and she was crying and he couldn't help thinking that she was beautiful and just said something that made his heart leap. There were two available beds after all. It startled him that Al had barged in like that and then chaos came along with his teacher.

 

After, she just went along with them to wherever they went. They argued a lot and he stole a lot of glances at her and he had caught her gaze on him once. She had looked thoughtful and her eyes were darkened with something that made him shiver and made his insides twist pleasantly. When she noticed he was looking back at her, she quickly turned her head and started making a loud conversation with a confused Al. He missed her when she had decided to leave them and go to central with Hawkeye, but it was for the best because they had to go through a lot when she left.

 

He saw her again at Rizembool tied with bands with Sheizka and he felt like all of that was his fault. She was crying and he wanted to beat himself for it. She had kept things from him and he felt betrayed when he found out, though he realized afterwards that he had done the same to her. The day after she fixed his hair into a braid and Al was already downstairs and so was Sheizka. They were alone and she continued with her grooming, scratching at his scalp and running her fingers through his hair. It was a silence that both of them enjoyed and he wanted it to be a little longer, to stay with her in her grandmothers house and lose himself to her and...into her. He wanted her to feel important to him because she was. When she was done with plaiting his hair, he gave her thanks for everything she had done for them and she told him to stop talking like if he was going to die because she believed he was going to come back with his lost limbs and Al flesh and whole again.

 

They argued a little over it then stopped when they noticed they were closer to each other than before. He had seen tenderness in her eyes and her pupils dilated, her pink lips parted slightly and he felt her body heat when she wasn't even pressed up against him. She had moved closer...or was it him? He didn't know, but there was a voice in his head telling him to embrace her, kiss her, taste her. To shred his and her clothes off and press himself against her, to whisper words in her ear softly, then lose themselves in a hot passion on the sheets until she really, really knew how much he did care and how much he thought about her and how much he wanted that with her. Until she and he...were to tired to speak...let alone think.

 

He did not do that however and told her one last thanks and told her he had to get ready for the train station.

 

When he was stuck on this side for two years without Al He though about his brother often...what was he doing? Did he even have a body yet? Where was he now? And then he thought about her. How he had treated her rather coldly and how she still treated him how she always treated him and his brother with love and affection...and he threw that all in her face. He swore to himself that when he got to Amestris again and when he was reunited with his brother...he would tell her what he always wanted to tell her, kiss her so hard, and after...after he would make sure to tell her through a lot of heavy, hot, burning and pleasurable action that he would always stay with her forever and never let go or leave her.

 

He did see her again though and she embraced him. Boy had that caught him off guard and all he could do was whisper her name. She told him she had missed him and he felt hotter on his cheeks...he didn't even remember if he had hugged her back. Their reunion wasn't to last though because one, he had to look for his brother who ran away and two, he had to stop that crazy delusional lady from taking over his world. When he knew what he had to do to save his world... he had to separate himself from it... Alphonse had told him, _"WHAT ABOUT WINRY! SHE MISSED YOU TOO!"_. Alphonse always knew. And for once Edward was really tempted to give in to his selfish desires and be with his brother and her again...He couldn't and told Al to tell her that he said thanks and she always made the best. He had to choke back tears and hold his voice steady so it wouldn't waver. He then separated the wing of the ship that had Mustang and his brother from him. He didn't want them or Al to wait anymore.

 

...He didn't want her to wait anymore...

 

When he got back here, Al had hitched a ride and now they were together. He was happy and so was Al, but there was always a melancholic atmosphere because they were missing something...

 

her...

 

It was only a matter of time before he would run into her duplicate. It still wouldn't be her even if he wanted it to be...Just like that woman at the market street. But who knew, he probably won't ever see those cerulean eyes ever again.

 

He had to go to sleep now though and held back the tears that threatened to spill. If this went long any longer...he'll probably indulge himself to find a way back even if there was no way back to his dream.

 

His eyes closed and he slept...

 

* * *

 

 

_He slept and he dreamt of the tall lush grass of Rizembool and cloudless skies. Him lying there with her...It was always like this. He dreamt and she was always there waiting for him in his slumber, always waiting with open arms. They would laugh and cry and told each other things that he wasn't even supposed to bring up ever._

_They whispered words of love..._

_They lost themselves in their passion..._

_And they laid there sated and still embracing each other endearingly like they were always supposed to be like this forever. It was never to last however and she would beg him to stay there with her...They sobbed..._

_He knew he had to let her go..._

_But he didn't want to wake up..._


	2. Don't Wake Me: Winry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They knew they had to let go...But they don't want to wake up.  
> Disclaimer: Still not mine...but of course you knew that already didn't you?

 

 

 

**Don't Wake Me**

**Chapter 2**

****Bright, Beautiful, Voided World** **

****

* * *

****

It was really screwing with her wasn't it? Life.

How many times had she done this model with more upgrades? Why did she keep doing this to herself? And how had she done this without intent?

Paninya had walked into the workroom, happy to tell Winry what poor sick bastard lost a bet with her and how he intended to pay back such a win. Until she saw her rubbing her eyes with edges of her palms furiously, lip quivering. She had asked what was wrong, even though she already knew when she saw the tattered shredded blueprints. Its pieces scattered all over the desk and on the floor.

She had done it again...

Catching herself making automail...

For him...

Of course though Winry wouldn't say anything and just told her that she had allergies lately because of the dusty weather in Rush Valley. Paninya had just gave her a solemn look and told her to take the medication Dominic had kept in the bathroom cabinet.

She knew Paninya didn't buy it for one second. This wasn't the first time she had done this. And she hoped that this will be the last.

Her grandmother was the first one to catch her making his automail back in Risembool. Winry had stopped her task when her grandmother asked if Wrath was still alive. That hit a brick wall to the chest. Even though Wrath was still a Homunculus, Winry had felt a soft spot for the child. Not only had that bothered her greatly, but she had not been making automail for the Homunculus. And she would not ever sell such a model as this to anyone else, much less give it to someone else freely for a while.

The only other time she was asked about making automail for Edward was Alphonse...and he was pretty damn happy that she was doing such a thing. He had been working so hard to bring his older brother back and was beaming when Winry was supporting him and making a model for Edward for when he came back. They had sent letters to each other often. He was really different from his brother, who neglected to do such a thing. He would send her pictures of his time with training in Izumi's place, but then it would take a bit longer for each letter to reach her. He grew his hair out, telling her that he just wanted to experiment of what the crap his brother had been thinking to let his own hair grow out.

And that's when Al had told her that Izumi dismissed him, telling him that she had nothing left to teach him. That the only way to get his brother back would be through memory. She had sensed the sadness and frustration between those words in the letter. And she also knew that part of the reason Izumi dismissed him was because of her deteriorating health. She was getting worse. She guessed that the teacher didn't want Al to see her like that at all, to not worry him than he already was.

Later on he sent a letter to her, telling her he was on his way to Rizembool and she was ecstatic. Loneliness had been starting to get to her without the brothers and there was only one available. Besides she had needed a break from Rush Valley so she had asked Dominic for some time off and he had reluctantly gave in, not admitting that she would be missed and Paninya saw her off at the train.

He never went to Rizembool though. She didn't know what had happened and she thought that maybe she had misread the letter.

Sig had called her and told her some more news and it wasn't exactly what she had wanted to hear either.

She had gone to Izumis funeral three days later, but she saw no sign of Alphonse either. She had been very upset at him. There was now no trace of the younger brother. Sig didn't even know where he would've gone so she just stayed over at Rizembool for she had asked for some time off. Her grandmother was happy though to have her back, so she continued on in the little house like she never left. Playing with Den and helping the dog out with chasing the stupid chickens in their coop, doing her chores like sweeping the floors and cleaning up the workroom. When she was done she would lie down on the floor with Den on her back, the dog happily lazing around next to her younger mistress.

What had really gotten to her was cleaning the rooms. Of course she would clean her room. It was always clean save for some boxes on the floor filled with scrap metal that could be used for molding. She never went in Pinako's room for the old woman had told her, _"I'm an old woman not crippled. I can clean my own quarters thank you."_.

Cleaning the boy's room was a different story. Especially making Ed's bed. She would procrastinate in that room, lying down on their beds and smelling their scent. She really missed them.

Now that she thought about it she still missed their scent and they began to fade away over time. She had always missed them.

When they were younger they always played outside with her, pretending to be her knights in shining armor. They would play tag with the other children too. When one of them got hurt she would kiss their wounds and they would just smile and laugh, while Edward would turn red. One time when she had scraped her elbow, she had cried calling for her parents until they came along to make sure she felt better. That was the first time Edward had kissed her...well on the cheek anyway. They were both red and she couldn't understand why she was acting that way. They had taken her to her parents and they had cleaned her wound with rubbing alcohol and put a bandage on it. Her father had rubbed Ed and Al's heads, telling them what caring boys they were.

She guessed all the missed childhood memories had halfway ended when her parents died in the war. She had shut out Ed and Al for some days until Edward took a stand and told her heatedly that they would always be there for her. That they cared about her and she had to stop being mean to poor little Alphonse. That if it made her feel better to hit him hard. So she did, punching his gut, but He still had stood his ground. She kept punching him, sobbing and yelling all her frustrations at him until she had started to weakly slap at his chest. Instead of continuing her abuse on him, he had wrapped his arms around her and she held on to him tightly. Apologizing to him was the first thing she did when she held him. Sobbing out loud how she wanted her parents and how she needed them, how she wanted him and Al to never leave her and to stay with her. She had told him she loved him and Al, that she didn't want them gone either. She could've sworn that she felt him hold her tighter.

After half a week later she had started playing more and having more interest in her grandmothers field of work. She would happily show the boys her grandmothers and parents field journals of automail and medicine. Al was amazed and so was Edward, but only about the many chemical physiology of the human being so she called him weird and they started their many arguments.

School was a different story. When she got older, the boys at school would whisper about her and she called all of them dumb because she would hear what they were saying. Kissing had become a popular subject and the class did a secret survey of who each of them would kiss. Almost all the boys had picked her so that created many girls envying her, which was really a problem. Edward wasn't there at school so he hadn't taken part of the stupidity and she hadn't taken part of it either. Almost all the girls had said Al and she would glare at the girls who kept making eyes at Alphonse. He, of course, was oblivious to the girls attentions. She had to protect him. It was her duty when Edward wasn't there.

Her and Alphonse walked home together that day laughing at the day's events especially how Pitt accidentally glued his pants to the seat. She had asked him if he took the kissing survey and he had said that he didn't. She was relieved for that. _"I'm not interested in those things right now, but if it were to be any girl I would have picked you!",_ he said. _"But of course only on the cheek."_ She had laughed and so did he.

The next day Edward had gotten into a fight with Pitt. She had asked him what his problem was and he blushed and said he didn't know, but that he didn't like the way Pitt was looking at her.

 

* * *

_"Well you can't just hit every guy that looks at me! How am I going to have a husband if you hit every guy!"_

_"Who said you were getting married?!"_

_"Me!"_

_"Well as long as I'm around you won't even have a boyfriend!". She was very shocked when he had said that, with wide eyes and he had his eyes wide too, until he narrowed them with pink stained cheeks. That shock quickly turned into curiosity, stepping forward a little to him while he took a step back._

_"Well fine when can I have a boyfriend you overprotective emotional thing!? How 'bout Al? What if he gets a girlfriend? I don't see you saying anything about him." he quickly turned away from her and crossed his arms."Well fine! Then I won't let you have a girlfriend you jerk!". Then she quickly stomped off._

* * *

 

During that whole week she had felt something around him that had made her stomach flutter when he was close and he would avert his eyes quickly when she caught him staring at her. It was all frightening and for some reason she had liked the attention, but she didn't want to admit it to herself. Everyday she looked forward to see him and Al, but it was different, her attention to Edward from Alphonse. Al had been observing, she could tell when he would stare at the nice things Edward had been doing for her and her to him. One time, Al had asked about it.

Yes. Happy memories seemed to plague her mind now lately. Even if she wanted to forget about it. Maybe she didn't want to forget after all though.

After Ed and Al's mother had died...they had distanced themselves rather quickly from her and she could not understand why. Even at school they rarely talked and it had hurt her so. She had thought that maybe she could help them feel better and she had tried. It never seemed to work though.

 

* * *

_"We're orphans Winry! Orphans! The bastard didn't even come back for her funeral! So stop trying to make us feel better about it! It won't work!"_

_"But Edward! You have Granny and me! We'll take care of you!" she said trying to use the same words he had used on her. That seemed to struck a chord on him. He looked down at the ground as if he was remembering a distant memory. Those golden eyes of his were glistening and he wanted to cry she could tell. She moved to embrace him, but he took a step back. She kept on going however and he stopped moving to let her hug him. He had buried his face against her shoulder so she petted his hair._

_"We want her back.", he said hoarsely, his voice raspy._

_"I know...", she answered back. His hands quickly went to her arms to pull them away and she let him..._

_"No Winry...I mean we really want her back...", he said looking deep in her eyes as if trying to tell her something he didn't want to say out loud..._

_"Edwa-"_

_"Alphonse is waiting for me at home.", he cut in curtly. And he left her there confused, lonely, and at a loss._

* * *

 

 Now that she had thought about it really hard, she now knew what he had tried to tell her. _"We want her back...So she will be back."_

They had met their teacher later on and she had waved goodbye to them. The relationship between the three had somewhat sparked enough to talk and tease and tell jokes. She was very saddened when they chose to leave Risembool to go to train with the beautiful woman. During the time apart she received a lot of letters, mainly from Al, and Ed had a hard time to write them. She could tell because of the eraser marks and faded letters on the note that he desperately tried to hide. She would write back and tell them she had missed them and loved them both and told them to behave or she'll rattle their brains.

They came back six months later and she had waited patiently at the train station. Everytime a train would pass, she would grow more anxious. Then an express had finally came to a halt. The doors had opened and it was just them getting off the train. She had stared openly at them and they to her. Al had looked taller than his brother already with a couple of scratches and a bruise on his left arm. He smiled warmly at her, waving a little. Edward on the other hand grew some also, though not as tall as his little brother. He was losing the baby fat though from when she had last seen him and his eyes looked more brighter. She didn't know why, but her stomach had done flip-flops when he had finally turned to look at her with wide eyes, looking at her up and down, slowly looking at the differences. Her heart pounded more when he looked at her face and gave her his biggest grin with the bandages on the left side of his face and bruise on his right cheek, his nose all wrinkled. He looked so silly and she laughed as did they so she ran up to their arms almost knocking them to the ground and causing Edward to yelp a protest, but she didn't care and she held on tighter to them like they were going to disappear forever.

They went back home and she had noticed that Edward had glanced at her a few times like he was thinking something, it had made her happy nonetheless.

It was still autumn and her and Edward had acted so different around each other, like they were afraid to say something. Al had noticed and he teased her about it. One time Al had shoved Edward to her, their faces so close and she had felt his breath on her face, his hand landing awkwardly on her hip. Her face felt so hot and she saw his eyes had darkened with something that shot a pleasant chill down her spine. It wasn't to last though as Edward quickly ran after Al with an angry howl while Alphonse, who already had a head, laughed back at him.

She had thought they had recovered from their mother's death during their time with their teacher.

She was wrong...

The transmutation had done a really horrible number on them. The military came by soon enough and Edward's fire rekindled again after it was burned out by the transmutation and on the accord that Al was in that hollow suit of armor that was void of any sign of emotion.

She had helped with the rehabilitation process and he was on his feet, even if most of it was by brute force from himself. A month after that, he was being incredibly nice to her and he even picked a flower for her one time which made her gawk at him. _"What are you staring at? Haven't I done this before?"_ he had said so awkwardly, but she took it and what surprised him and made him falter on his feet was the quick peck she placed ever so softly on his reddened cheek.

They had burned their house down and her and her grandmother found it early in the morning.

She had never thought how much of a part of her life was around him. She had known the truth that she had feelings for him ever since she was a little girl even when she hadn't understood it yet. Ever since he left for the military he seemed to push her away. Except for that one night where they held hands in her house. They were just talking the night away and she hadn't really noticed that he had held her hand until she felt him brushing her knuckles with his thumb, the gesture so soothing. She didn't want to say anything about it, afraid that he would let go. She didn't have to say anything however because he had noticed a little afterwards when she squeezed his hand and he quickly pulled away with flushed cheeks, making an excuse to go to bed. She didn't really know what to think of it and she had felt that maybe he didn't really want that with her. She remembered she had smiled at him anyway, hiding the hurt deep within. At least she had that wonderful intimate touch with him.

She couldn't help, but felt guilty when she had arrived at the hospital and saw the state he was in. If she had done the maintenance right, he would've still been gallivanting all over Amestris, albeit recklessly.

She had seen him through his desperation and hurt too. Alphonse saying those hurtful words to his brother. She had embraced him and didn't mind when he barely returned it because of his hurt. After they got Alphonse back, everything was alright again and they had traveled to Rush Valley, much to Edwards complaints and reluctance to go there. Alphonse was just happy because she was happy and so she had kissed his metal cheek quickly, which made the armor stutter and she had noticed that Edward had quickly turned to leave to the next cart stomping away with a book in hand.

During there she had realized that Edward did think of her, although that wasn't her intention to find out like that, after he the challenge between him and Paninya. She had wanted him to go back to Rizembool for more than automail and he refused to go back, but she knew what he did understand about her. She didn't really know if he felt the same. The hope escalated when he kept on stealing glances a lot at her and she had done the same for him and she had felt the tension in the air when they were together, which also made Alphonse a bit uneasy. He even had encouraged her one day to actually do something about it. Of course she had just shook her head and told him that even if she did there was really no guarantee that he would return the affection. He would probably think she was a distraction to his journey and ambitions.

One day he had caught her staring at him. He had just finished washing himself in the stream downhill in the middle of the woods and she couldn't help her imagination running away with her. He had looked so...and when he caught her, it had taken her awhile to realize it. when she did, she started yelling at Alphonse confusing her best friends and she could swear she had heard Edward chuckling.

Soon enough Edward didn't want her around anymore. Well that was how he said it until Alphonse cleared it up for her without hurting her feelings, which Edward had just a little. She wanted to stick around though and tried to prove it and hsd been amused at Edward's and Alphonse's faces when it was all done. of course Edward would chastise her afterwards and so did Alphonse.

Rick and Leo had told her of her parent's fate and that was why she had decided to go back to Central, Leaving Edward and Alphonse with little reluctance.

Soon enough she went back to Risembool with her new friend and partner in crime, Sheizka. Edward and Alphonse soon came there too and eventually had to leave again. She was sorry that she had to keep Hughes' death from them. The guilt really ate at her, but she still couldn't help to feel that maybe he kind of deserved by all the things he kept from her...but that thought left her in a flash when she saw his pained expression. She was there to support him, help him get back on his feet when he fell, not bring him down to guilt. She tried everything she could that night to at least make it up and he forgave her after a little while.

The next morning she went into his room to wake him, but didn't expect him to be only in his underwear. It was embarrassing to walk in like that, but he said it was okay and it wasn't like she had never seen him like that. He had turned his beautiful golden locks into black and although she didn't like to see him change the wonderful gold she still was amazed at what he could do and he just swallowed the praise like he always had.

She was stalling in the braiding of his hair,but he wasn't complaining since he was groaning at her touches and scratches at his scalp. Even when she had ventured to his neck, and she delighted in that little whimper when she stopped playing with his hair and started braiding it, he had tried to stifle the little complaint, but she had caught it and smiled to it. He had kept on talking like he was going to die and she had bickered with him because of it. She had noticed how close they were and they always were in each others personal space when they argued like this. He had taken the notice too and there was the look he always stared at her with, the heated one where his pupils dilate turning the bright gold into molten amber. with the heated promises in his eyes that spoke of favor, want and passion...love and care...tenderness and...lust...making her insides twist so pleasantly and making her imagine them and hoping for both of them to give in to those desires. To make such innocent and inexperienced passion on his sheets...to make him stay at least for one more day.

Of course all of that didn't happen and he interrupted the charged lovely moment to say thank you to her and that he had to get ready for the train. She got out of the room to hold back some tears that threatened to spill...hoping that whatever he had to do he would come back safely and soundly with Al's body and their quest finished. All of that would finish and when it did...then she would give up so much more for him...give up her time, days, nights, and innocence for and to him.

He didn't come back...

Only Alphonse was by Rose, who had also brought Wrath. And he was so confused and didn't really know what was going on...he came back to her frightened, scared that the world had left him behind. She took care of him being the big sister he needed. Edward wasn't around and she had to fill it some way, of course she can never replace him. And just like Edward, Alphonse had that look in his eye when he wanted to reach something...and that something was his brother and he swore he would bring him back and not just for him, but for her. She then had promised that she would work hard to make the best automail

_"For Edward and when you need me I'll be there...even if you don't want me to."_

He did just that. He had brought him back like he promised, but she didn't know how...and she hadn't cared at the moment. All she had felt was the suppress amount of emotion in seeing him there on his hands and knees so she ran to him like there was no tomorrow and embraced him in such a way she never had before. She was overjoyed in seeing him, breathing in his scent of machine oil, sweat and something only Edward had. Feeling the muscles behind his clothing and relishing in his surprised squeak and gasp because of the amount of affection in that gesture.

 _"...I've missed you..."_ she had said her breath hitching as she felt the tears streaming down her face.

 _"...yeah..."_ he had whispered back shyly. His response had been so Edward like, but she knew that he had missed her as much as she had missed him.

She had his automail ready for him on the spot and he had looked at her surprised that she had so much faith in him, that he would return to her and Alphonse...even if it was until years later.

As she was replacing the imitation of her model, she could already feel his eyes on her and she couldn't help herself to look into his eyes and give him such a loving smile while he blushed and gave a nervous one back.

Of course he went after his brother and to possibly stop the invasion of their world. The next thing she saw was Edward separating the wing from the ship and from him...

 

* * *

_"I'll bet that's Edward", she said and Sheizka looked at her._

_"...He won't let me wait for him anymore..."_

* * *

 

 She probably already had an inkling of that fact ever since he went up to that ship. She just didn't voice it and had hoped that it wasn't true...That he'd come back with Alphonse...

_...I guess this is goodbye for good..._

The last she heard was that Alphonse had left with his older brother, but she had already knew that somehow.

 _"He said 'Tell her thanks...she's always made the best' Miss Rockbell."_ Mustang had told her. She had tears streaming down her face.

 _"Thank you... and please...call me Winry..."_ she had said back.

Ever since then she had dreamed such vain dreams. Just like now. She was already in bed thinking of such memories. Of her childhood with the Elric brothers, her teenage years and her secret and not so secret fondness and attraction towards Edward.

And she shut her eyes...

 

* * *

 

 A _nd she dreamed of him and her, enjoying what would've been and what would never happen now._

_The tall green grass and brown dried patched of dirt of Risembool where they could secretly meet in the late night and enjoy what each of them where so willingly to give to the other._

_Their regrets...their hidden secrets...and their hidden love._

_Where they gave themselves to each other and when they rode out the waves of bliss they would caress each others spent bodies and bring up their souls with such loving words and soothing touches._

_Until she had to wake up and they would hold each other. Willing the other to never go away and fade before their eyes._

_She knew she had to let him go..._

_But she didn't want to wake up..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long for updating...I just had a lot of things on my mind and writing a new fanfictions in my notebook kept me away from here. I hope you enjoy this nonetheless and I had such a bittersweet time in writing it.  
> This is not the last of me I swear.  
> Read and Review please.

**Author's Note:**

> Read and Review


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